Outgrowing your relationship with your body
You outgrow things.
You outgrow relationships. You outgrow friendships. You outgrow homes and habits. You outgrow mindsets and limiting beliefs.
We are always growing. Always taking in new information. Always learning and changing our perspectives. And with that growth means the shedding of things.
You can also outgrow the relationship with your body. As you are growing, you can lean into growth and healing in your mindset and limiting beliefs.
This week I visited my childhood home and hometown. I grew up in a tiny and idyllic town in New Hampshire. Towering trees, breathtaking lakes, dirt roads, and a familiarity among you and everyone that lived there. Growing up it felt like being in on a secret. A special link to these other people who got to live in this minute paradise that so few knew about.
I wrote my college essay about my hometown. The Town that Raised Me is what it was called. It was that essay, alongside all my other accomplishments that got me into my dream school.
But it wasn’t all beauty and light. I grew up in a lower-middle class family. I wanted for nothing, but I knew nothing of vacations, plane rides, or life outside of small town New Hampshire. My world view was limited, and so was my view of myself.
I thought I was ugly. I thought I was fat. I thought I was worthy of nothing, no love or support or companionship. I didn’t know it then, but anxiety ruled me. My mind ruled me. Even in this town I loved, there was no refuge from myself, no place to hide.
And in that place that I loved, I was bullied about my body starting in second grade. And so at the insecure and tender age of 13 I developed an eating disorder that would plague my life for over 10 years.
So when I returned to this sparkling jewel of a hamlet that I loved this week, instead I saw the ghosts of my disease. I recalled the haunted eyes of a girl who never felt like she was enough. A girl who had been starving for years. A girl who had been bullied and rejected and hated herself so deeply.
The place wasn’t to blame, or maybe it was, but it held all these memories for me. The happy memories mixed with all this pain, and I realized that I had outgrown that place. I had outgrown who I was when I lived there. I had outgrown that mindset of self hatred and body hatred.
So this is a message to you that you can outgrow it too.
Do you body check every day? You can outgrow it and instead grow into self acceptance.
Do you speak down to your body internally and out loud? You can outgrow that negative self-talk.
Do you hide in clothes you hate? You can outgrow that.
Growth can be hard. It can take work. But it can also change your life.
I am a completely different person than I was when I left my hometown. I have done the work to heal and love myself. I have outgrown that tired, hateful, insecure version of myself and you can too.
Below are some early steps to take in the growing process:
Ditch negative self talk. Every time you catch yourself talking badly about your body internally or externally, stop yourself. Stopping is the first step.
Remove yourself from situations that hinder your growth or hurt you. Unfollow diet accounts, mute group chats that talk all about weight loss or body shaming, and exit conversations with family or friends that make you feel bad about your body.
Write. Write down how you feel. Write down how you feel in your journal. I find so much growth happens in writing or expressing your feelings or thoughts in some way. You could paint or write or dance or do whatever helps you sit in and work through those feelings.
